Afternoon Conversations with the 'Bots
by Mickerayla
Summary: Conversations with the Transformers we all know and love.
1. PMSing

I saw Tempest2004's fanfic "Are You a Deceptacon?" And I got this idea. So I made one with Jazz.

The PMS thing was REALLY random but I was bored and I needed it to be a bit longer. D:

* * *

"Sup lil bit-."

"Language, Jazz. My parents are in the next room, remember. They don't like it when you use that language, remember?"

"Oh yeah."

"What do you want?"

"Whatcha doin?"

"Nothing. Just doing homework."

"I see."

"Anything else you want?"

"Nothing in particular."

"Then why are you here?"

"Whoa! Someone's in a bad mood today."

"…"

"What?"

"I have a reason for my mood."

"Really? What's the reason?"

"…I'm PMSing."

"PMSing? What's that?"

"Google it."

"…"

"What did you find out?"

"…I'm so sorry."

"It's fine."

"So…Do you want to take a break and drive around?"

"Sure, why not."

* * *

Please Review. The ending was kinda rushed, I know, but Oh well.

O:


	2. I'm not a spy, you terrorist

I decided to make this a short story with very short chapters, having convorstations with each of the Transformers, starting with the Autobots then moving onto the Deceptacons. Though I'm only using the characters from the movie because otherwise, it would be too long. This one is with Ironhide.

* * *

"Hello."

"Hi."

"What are you doing?"

"…Why does everyone ask me that?"

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me and I'll leave."

"What if I don't want to tell you?"

"Are you hiding something?"

"Leave me alone 'Hide."

"Are you a spy?"

"Why would I be a spy?"

"I don't know. Why would you?"

"I'm not a spy."

"Says who?"

"Says me. Okay? Now leave me alone."

"I think you are a spy."

"I'm not a spy! Put those away Ironhide. Do you want to blow a hole in the wall?"

"Maybe."

"TERRORIST!"

"I'm not a terrorist!"

"I think you are."

"Well I think you're a spy."

"Look at me 'Hide. Do I look like a spy?"

"…Yes."

* * *

So that's that. Review please. :D 


	3. Pressure Points

I know, I'm updating really fast, but these things just keep popping into my head. This one isn't with an actual Autobot, but I needed someone who wouldn't kill me if they pressed on my chest.

* * *

"Hi."

"Hey."

"How are you?"

"I'm fine, Same. How are you?"

"I'm good."

"Did you know that there's a pressure point in your chest that makes you fall to your knees?"

"Nope."

"Well there is."

"Where is it?"

"Right here."

"Here?"

"GAH!"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Would you like some help getting up?"

"Yeah, that would be nice."

"…"

"What?"

"Why do I have the feeling you're going to ask me to do that again?"

"…"

"Oh boy."

"DO IT AGAIN!"

* * *

That one was a fun one to write. Review Please. 


	4. Broken Optics

It's me again. In this chapter, you will get a glance at my real name. -GASP!- I was editing this and I realized that in the last chapter, it was with Sam...not same. So yeah, sorry about that. D: This one is with Ratched and Jazz is a guest start. O:

* * *

"Hello Michaela."

"Hello Ratchet."

"…"

"GAH! Seinfeld moment!"

"Seinfeld?"

"Google it."

"I see…"

"Interesting?"

"Very. What are you doing with that yarn?"

"I'm kitting."

"That looks interesting. How do you do it?"

"Well, first-you might want to come down here-you want to learn how to-"

"OW!"

"Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry!"

"Sup lil Bit-"

"JAZZ! LANGUAGE!"

"Sorry. Whoa! What happened to Ratchet?"

"I accidentally poked him in the optic with a knitting needle."

"Ouch."

"Yea-Hey! You're optics are made of metal…glass…stuff. How would it hurt?"

"I have nerves in my body. AH!"

"Did his optic just…"

"I think it did."

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!?"

"…Oops."

"MICHAELA!"

* * *

Yeah... incase you didn't know Ratchet's optic fell out...or just kinda haning there by some wires. Kinda like Bonecrusher's was in the Transformers movie when Optimus kills him. O: 


	5. Internal Organs

I'm sorry I havn't updated in a while. I havn't thought of anything. O:

* * *

"ZOMG! IT'S OPTIMUS!"

"Hello Michaela."

"How are joo?"

"I'm fine. If you don't mind me asking, have you had any Pepsi today?"

"…Why do you ask?"

"You seem…hyper."

"I do?"

"Yes, you do."

"Oooh…That's cool."

"So…What are you watching?"

"Family Guy."

"I see."

"…"

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"There's something I need to tell you, Optimus Prime."

"Uh oh. You're saying Prime after Optimus. That must mean you're serious."

"You're dead right I am. I'm sorry Optimus. It's just as I feared: Prostate cancer. I'm sorry, but you're going to die."

"I can't have cancer, remember? No internal organs."

"You do too have internal organs."

"I do not."

"Yes you do. What do you call your spark?"

"…"

"See?"

"That's completely different."

"How?"

"Well…my spark is…not an organ…"

"It is an organ, just a different kind of organ."

"...What made you say I had Prostate cancer?"

"Eh. I saw it on a Robot Chicken episode."

* * *

xD So that's that. 


	6. YOU SLAGTARD!

Yeah...This is the last of the Autobots. Enjoy.

* * *

"Hi Michaela."

"ZOMG! BUMBLEBEE! AREYOUOKAY!?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well…You got kidnapped by Sector 7."

"…YOU JUST _HAD_ TO BRING THAT UP, DIDN'T YOU?!"

"I'M SORRY."

"YOU SHOULD BE."

"…"

"That was fun."

"Yes. Yes it was."

"So…What are you doing."

"Coloring."

"What are the pictures of?"

"Disney."

"Disney? What's that?'

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GOOGLE IT?! WHY DO I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE TO GOOGLE IT!?"

"…"

"WHAT AREY YOU LOOKING AT?"

"You."

"WELL STOP IT."

"FINE. MAYBE I WILL."

"GOOD."

"…"

"Yet again, that was fun."

"YOU'RE RIGHT IT WAS."

"You can stop it now."

"STOP WHAT?"

"Uh oh…"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"Ratchet! I think we have a problem!"

"What did he do now?"

"I think his vocal processors are on automatic yell."

"YOU SLAGTARD!"

"MY VOCAL PROCESSORS ARE ON WHAT!?"

"Eeep."

* * *

Yeah...I needed to do something with Bumblebee's vocal processors. I couldn't have them go out again, so I chose this. :D 


	7. Orgasms

So...Sorry I haven't uploaded in a while. I've had a lot of things going on, including the death of my grandfather. Also, I have 2225 hits and only 19 reviews! Come on people! Just leaving a note saying "Good job!" or "This story sucks!" is fine. D;

* * *

"Hello Michaela."

"Hi Frenzy!"

"How are you?"

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm dandy."

"So…Uh…"

"Yes?"

"What's it like to be the smallest Transformer?"

"…"

"And what's with that orgasm when you were stealing the info from the plane?"

"…"

"Please stop glaring at me."

"It's okay, I guess."

"So…I can call you Shrimpy?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so."

"You're no fun."

"I'm a Deceptacon. I'm not supposed to be fun."

"Oh."

"In fact, I should destroy you right now."

"No!"

"Oh yes!"

"Flee!"

"Get back here, you insect!"

* * *

Yeah...The orgasm part...Didn't it look like he was having one? It looked like it to me...Anyway. Push that button that says review. NOW. D 


	8. Insect

I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while. As some of you may know, my grandpa died, so I've been really buisy with that and with school. I'm hoping to update more. I'm also writing an Ocean's fic (You know, Ocean's 11, Ocean's 12, Ocean's 13). Enjoy.

* * *

"It's Barricade!"

"Hello Insect."

"Can you _not_ call me that?"

"But that's what you are."

"…That really hurt, Barricade."

"Good."

"So…uh, what would happen if I pulled on some of your wires?"

"Some of my systems might shut down, or I could lose a limb."

"…"

"You looked pure evil right there."

"Right where?"

"About two lines up."

"Oh there!"

"Yeah-hey! What are you doing?"

"I'm pulling on some of your wires. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Well, I knew that, but why are you doing it?"

"You know…You're one of my two favorite Decepticons."

"Why thank you. That's very flattering. Who's the other one?"

"Blackout."

"Oh _him_. Now answer my question."

"'Cause."

"'Cause' isn't an answer- hey!"

"So that wire takes off that arm…"

"Stop it, insect!"

"Nevah! D "

"Stop!"

"Ha ha. It's hard to take you serious. You look really funny without any limbs."

* * *

Can you picture Barricade without any limbs? It's pretty funny. 3

Oh, and if you're wondering, the weird things that look like a letter, then a random symbol. The one behind the "Nevah!" is supposed to be one of those sideways triangles that's pointing left. Now that that's cleared up, you can press that button that says "review".


	9. Shut up

An update! I realize I need to update, so I did. I hope you like it. I had no clue what to write for Devastator, so I just made this.

Enjoy.

* * *

"Why, it's Brawl!"

"Actually, It's Devastator."

"Yeah, but it the original series it's-"

"DEVASTATOR."

"No. It's Brawl."

"…Shut up. Just shut up."

"…You're just like Barricade. Always insulting me."  
"Oh, come on now, don't cry."

"Always calling me insect…"

"I mean it. I don't know how to react to that kind of stuff."

"I mean, I told him that he was one of my favorites, but he just kept insulting me…"

"He's WHAT?!"

"Always calling me names…"

"You said one, who's the other one?"

"Blackout."

"Oh that slagtard."

"Hey!"

"Well, he's always saying he's better than everyone."

"…Shut up. Just shut up."

"Now look who's insulting who!"

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

"No!"

"Do you want to end up like Barricade?"

"…"

"Good boy."

* * *

That's that. Please review. Again, I'm sorry I haven't updated, but I've been buisy...Still. 


	10. JEKLE, JEKLE, HYDE!

I've updated! Man, I'm on a writing spree! First Up On The Roof, then One Hot Afternoon, now this one...Then I'm going to update The Forgotten Recruit. How wack is that?

* * *

"Why hullo thar Blackout!"

"Hullo there squishy."

"That's a new one."

"Well, I've heard that I'm one of your favorite Decepticons, so I've decided to be kind to you today."

"…That's really ooc."

"I know. Isn't it great?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"So…what's up?"

"Nothing much. I just found out that having fun isn't hard when you've got a library card."

"Hey…isn't that from the T.V. show Arthur?"

"Why yes, yes it is. Do you know what else is from that?"

"No, what?"

"I WAS JEKLE, JEKLE, HYDE, JEKLE, HYDE, HYDE, JEKLE. JEKLE, JEKLE, HYDE, JEKLE, HYDE!"

"…That was extremely random."

"Well, hey, isn't that what this fan fic's about?"

"I guess…"

"Now come on, say something random."

"The rain in Spain falls mainly on-"

"YOUR MOTHER!"

"…That's not very nice."

* * *

That chapter had a lot of different things in it: Arthur, Finding Nemo/fanfictions I've read, a comic I found on Deviant art, and even a little Pirtates of the Caribbean. O: I'll try to update more often in the future, now that school's out.


	11. Black Dots

Hello thar! I've updated after, what, three months of not updating? I'M SO SORRY! I've been buisy with other stories and I'm trying to do a regular update. D:

I'm sorry if this seems short, but I was rushed.

Enjoy. :D

"Mr. Bonecrusher?"

"Yes?"

"I'm afraid I have some bad news."

"What?"

"You're going to die."

"WHAT?! How?"

"Cancer."

"...Nice try."

"No, seriously, you have cancer."

"I don't have any internal organs, I can't get cancer."

"Yes, you can. See that small black dot on your arm?"

"...That's just a bug."

"That's what Optimus said, but he just died of cancer."

"Really?"

"Really."

"..."

"Okay, you got me. You don't have cancer."

"I TOLD YOU SO!"

"...You should really wash that bug off."

* * *

Ta da! I hope you liked it, and I hope I'm not getting rusty.

Any feedback is appreiciated.

Next to be updated: Misery!


	12. WHY SO SERIOUS!

"WHY SO SERIOUS?!"

"Okay, seriously, Michaela, you're obsessed."

"What's yer point, Starscream?"

"You're scaring me."

"MUAHAHA!"

"Okay, seriously, stop it."

"Nevah!"

"Don't make me break your copy of that movie!"

"…"

"Ah, yes. Peace and quiet."

"…I hate you."

"That's nice."

"...Where's Ryuk when you need him?"

"Who?"

"No one!"

"Who's Ryuk?"

"No one! He's no one!"

"I'm not gonna stop bugging you until you tell me."

"…He's a Shinigami…"

"A what?"

"A death god."

"…Oh."


	13. I'm Tour Guide Barbie!

Haha, this one was fun. :D I really hope you enjoy this one. I'm on an updating spree right now, so this is why this is up. Also, this is the only chapter that includes actions! And there is only going to be one or two more chapters after this one. I originally wrote it to use only the robots from TF1 and not TF2, though if enough people want me to (which would be, like, five), I'll do one using TF2 characters. To keep this from being confusing, I'll provide a key below:

**Bold: Ken**

_Italics: Barbie_

Normal: Megatron and Myself (hopefully that's not too confusing)

If you guys get too confused as to who says what in this chapter and all the other chapters, I'd be happy to fix it so it won't be quite as confusing. Now, enjoy the latest chapter of Conversations with the 'Bots!

* * *

"So…You're Megatron…"

"…"

"...You, uh. You gonna say something, or are you just going to sit there and ignore me?"

"…"

"I'll take it it's the latter."

"…"

"You know, this doesn't help your social skills at all. I mean, seriously. No wonder you're the bad guy."

"…"

"Did you have no friends as a kid?"

"…"

"…Okay, honestly. Can't you just say one word?"

"…"

"I've got it! Why don't you call me 'Fleashling,' huh? That would be better than just sitting there."

"…"

"FINE! I'm leaving!"

_*footsteps leaving*_

"…Alone at last! Now I can finally be myself!"

"_Oh, Ken! How I love you! I can't live without you!_"

"**Oh, Barbie! I love you too! Will you marry me?**"

"_Oh, Ken! I will! I do! Then we can have babies, and have our own house, and you can finally go into that fashion career you've always-_!"

"…Megatron?"

"…"

"What were you doing?"

"…You saw nothing."

* * *

Reviews are like cupcakes.


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